Soft Leads

Here they are, folks - the soft leads for the "car theft & dead body" story. Please comment on them. Be merciless. Why do they work or why do they not work?

"A car thief found a suprise guest in the cargo van he stole yesterday; a passenger that put him in risk of being charged with another, much more serious, crime."

"Perhaps if you had stolen a vehicle with a dead body in the back of it, you too would notify the police and return the stolen property, just to be sure that you were not wrongly convicted of more than one crime."

"A dead body caused a frantic car thief to return the stolen vehicle, leaving him pleading that he had nothing to do with the man’s death."

"A joyrider with a death wish is nothing new, but a dead man on a joyride certainly is. A deceased New Orleans man was taken for the ride of his afterlife when the hearse carrying his body was stolen from in front of his home."

"Stealing vans these days could turn you into a hearse driver in an instant. So if you don't like to handle dead people, find another way besides stealing, to get a thrill in your life."